Friday, March 2, 2012

I'm Just a Little Bit Caught in the Middle

Not only has this song been stuck in my head all week, but it's pretty much how I've been feeling.  Don't misunderstand me- work is a great place and everyone there is very supportive.  The community is supportive, as well, and there hasn't been any problems there. 

The problem is this pulled feeling. 

At work, a single father and his 2 year old son that came to me to get out of California.  I tried my hardest, and we still couldn't help him.  Every resource is tapped out of funds.  No one could give him money.  In addition, his situation raised a few red flags.  I struggled all day (and the next few) with this tension. Why is the child in his custody? Why does he want to leave the state so quickly?  Could it be his simple explanation, or is there more?  Are we only suspicious of him because he is a man, or would we be equally suspicious if it was a mother?  I have not seen him since I initially helped him, and can only pray for him and the safety of his son.

One of my community members has a definite plan for her future!  Though I am excited for her, I am disappointed in myself.  I don't even have an inkling of what I want to do or where I want to be.  I don't have a guess of what city, what job field, nada.  Nothing comes to me, though I think about it constantly and pray about it frequently. 

My family was all together to celebrate Tom going into Nationals- Yay Tom!!  I am extremely proud (as many are!) and wish him the best!  When they were together though, I was alone thousands of miles away.  Yes, it was my choice to move to Sacramento, and I would not change it.  But I'm still allowed to be sad!

I keep thinking of song lyrics to support this torn feeling, but the song "Que Sera Sera" keeps popping into my head now! 

My next post will be titled "Que Sera Sera- Whatever will be, will be" because that is how I should be living my life!  I'm tired of feeling disgruntled.  So what that I don't know where I want to be?  I will keep on being, and I will be open to new experiences!  I did my best with the father and son, and now I have to trust that God will do His best- and He will, since He's God!  I believe this is where I need to be, and this is where I should be! 

Alright- Whatever will be, will be!


  1. Hi Nicole, well I believe you are where you are meant to be for now and I look forward to your coming home in a few months. I pray you will not stress out too badly on your future, you are a bright, beautiful and awesome lady and God will find the right place for you. I will keep that man and his young son in my prayers. You do have some stories that are simply just sad. Have a good weekend Nic, hope you are doing something fun with your casa mates. Love, Aunt J

  2. Thanks Aunt J! Love you and miss you tons!