Friday, April 6, 2012

Everything Sad is Coming Untrue!

*This post is very difficult to write, and may not be my best writing.  Bear with me as I sort through my feelings.  I try not to do that much!

As most of you know, I had brain surgery on April 4th, 2006.  I was 18 and it changed my entire life.  Every year, April 4th is a rough day for me.  When that day came around, I always focused on the negative. 

I changed; My body changed.
I lost who I was.
I won't be who I could have been.
Part of me died that day.
The true me died that day.

In fact, I secretly called it my "death day."

Not this year. 6 years of thinking that is enough.

I went out to lunch with a friend, and when I told him this, he referred to the day as my "birthday." 
It is- it's my "re-birthday!" (How fitting that it is around Easter!)

I did change- for the better! I wouldn't be here (in JVC) without it. The larger truth is that I wouldn't be here (alive) without it.

I did not lose who I was- I merely grew into who I am!

I am who I was meant to be. This experience was going to happen in my life, and I'm thankful to have had capable doctors, the best therapists, and a WONDERFUL AND SUPPORTIVE family and friends that stuck with me through it all!!

Part of me changed that day, but I didn't die!

The "true me" never died- I AM ALIVE! (For many years I thought I should have died and was angry that I didn't, but I am glad to be alive now! I'm not dead, and that means God has a purpose for me being on this earth today!)

Today you are you
that's truer than true,
There is no one alive
who is youer than you!
-Dr. Suess


  1. An Easter Miracle!!!!!

    Love, Mom

    1. Nicole, how wonderful to read this and so glad you are celebrating the wonderful person you are. See you next week, Love Aunt J

  2. Nicole,
    What a gift you have given yourself! Permission to move forward in life purposefully and with a newfound acceptance can only produce great things!!! I am so happy for you and we all love you so much!

    Becca and Co.

  3. Nicole, You are now and always have been a beautiful gift from God. I thank the Lord daily for all of my nieces and nephews and the gifts that He has given them. The long journey that you had to take may not have been easy, but the gift of you, as you are every day, is the greatest reward! Joyous Easter!! Love & prayers Aunt Cissy

  4. Nicole,
    My heart is overjoyed! What an encouragement to all of us as we all continue to grow into the people God has intended us to be. Looking forward to seeing you next week and giving you a great big hug!
    Love, Aunt Anna

  5. Thank you all so much!! I could have have come to these realizations without all of you! Love you guys!